Motherhood and miscarriage

I was blessed with two super easy pregnancies and deliveries with my girls. So when Sadie was about 18 months I didn’t think twice about trying for a 3rd. We knew we wanted a big family, and the time was right.

A year later nothing had happened! Then one summer morning on a girls trip in the mountains with my mother-in-law and my girls I realized I was late. I didn’t want to call Drew or make a big fuss, I simply wanted to take a test. So I got out of the cabin and found the nearest Walmart and there in the bathroom saw the plus sign! However when we took the girls to hear the heartbeat there was nothing there.....”you are going to have a miscarriage” my doctor said. I can’t describe to you what it was like with my girls in the room trying to hold it together. I felt they were too young at the time to explain what a miscarriage was, so I told them “mommy thought there was a baby in her tummy, but there is not one yet!” Using everything I had to hold back a fountain of tears I drove them to my mothers to spend time with my husband alone so we could morn our loss.The next day we were scheduled to leave town for a Disney trip to celebrate Mia’s 5th birthday. I didn’t want to disappoint Mia so I put on a brave face and made the trip deciding not to have a DNC.I had told everyone of course because we had been trying for a year and were so excited to finally be pregnant. Untelling is horrible.My doctor said it was normal to miscarry even though I had had two normal pregnancies and there was probably nothing wrong.So we tried again.And again no heartbeat. This time I didn’t tell anyone, but this time it hurt more. What was wrong with me? This happens to other people, not me! I am Fertile Myrtle!!! I couldn’t bear to pass the baby naturally again so I opted for a DNC.I am normally the most optimistic person in the room, but I was sad. Sad in the morning. Sad in the evening. It took me awhile to pull it together.I experienced thankfulness on a new level for my girls, but it still hurt. I loved those babies.I decided to go back on birth control. I needed some time to think. Was I willing to put my heart on the line again? What if the nightmare happened again?After 6 months, my heart healing, Drew and I felt it was time to try.Boom! I was late right away!I trembled as I took the test one night after everyone had gone to bed. POSITIVE!My doctor gave me progesterone and after 9 worry-filled months Whitman Henry Edward Anderson was born. My mom was one of three girls, and I was one of three girls, so he was a pretty big deal! The 1st BOY!Babies are the biggest blessing and miracle there is! I thank God everyday for my three gifts from heaven.